Gwen's Series
by Sitophiliac
Summary: (Crack!Fic) Gwen is starting an abridged series! But can she handle all the crazy characters on Naruto? Read and find out! NejixTenten and GaaraxHinata
1. NotSoJollyGwen

** Chapter 1: Not-So-Jolly-Gwen**

"Alright people, let's get this party started!" The director, Gwen, shouted over all the noise.

"I want this first episode to be great, I want it to have a million views, I want-" she laid her eyes on something she didn't need to see.

"I want Tenten to stop LICKING herself!" she threw the script book at the 13 year-old girl.

She whimpered when it landed on her butt. "Sorry GaGa-sensei! Part werewolf, remember?" Tenten handed her back the script. Gwen gave her the evil eye.

"Tenten, I keep telling you and the others that my name is NOT GaGa, it is Gwendolyn Rome,"

But Tenten wasn't listening; she was spinning around chasing her "tail".

Gwen sighed and laid her hand on her forehead while mumbling, "If I wasn't part werewolf/demon I would never have made this abridged series…"

Gwen stood up from her director's chair and started walking around the huge warehouse where they were trying to shoot the first scene for the first episode.

Gwen was a tall woman, about 5'6. She has light brown hair with pink highlights. She has light green eyes that glow-in-the-dark and a friendly/scary expression. To be honest, you could mistake Gwen for any famous white female. Her clothing consists of shorts, graphic T's, silly bands, and Chuck Taylor's.

Gwen stopped and knocked on a dressing room door. "You know, some would like to start the first scene with the-" she thought of a word to describe the blonde idiot, "with the perfect German."

The door opened and a short blonde-haired, blue-eyed ninja walked out… without a shirt on.

Gwen gave him a confused look. "Naruto, what happened to your shirt?"

Naruto shrugged and sighed. "I accidentally spilled bacon grease on it and hung it out to dry but-" he stopped mid-sentence and glared at someone behind Gwen. "There it is!"

Gwen turned around to see Tenten rolling around on the floor with her hellhound/miniature pincher, Muhammad. They were both ripping and shredding Naruto's shirt.

Gwen sighed heavily and pulled a scroll out of her little bag tied to a belt behind her. She bit her thumb and did a few hand signs and said, "Summoning jutsu!" A medium sized squirrel appeared in a puff of smoke in her hand. Gwen whistled loudly and called over to Tenten and Muhammad.

Muhammad looked over with his orange eyes and growled hungrily when he saw the rodent sitting in Lady GaGa's hand. The squirrel shrieked in terror and scampered down the warehouse floor. Muhammad immediately made chase, with Tenten following his heels.

But Gwen made a fast grab for her shirt collar and held tight. Tenten whimpered anxiously.

"Nicki-sensei! Come on, I didn't have breakfast this morning!" Tenten tried to get out of Gwen's grasp, but she couldn't.

Gwen sighed for the umtenth time. "OK Tenten. After we shoot this first scene, I'll go out and catch a nice, fat squirrel just for you, 'kay?" Gwen dropped the hybrid girl onto the floor.

She licked her chops hungerily. "Thanks, GaGa-sensei!" Tenten shape-shifted into her wolf form and trotted down the hall to her dressing room.

Gwen smiled to herself and picked up what was left of the young boy's shirt. "Well, I might as well go over to the Animators and ask them to draw you up a new shirt," she threw the rag into a nearby trashcan. "In the mean time_, please_ learn your lines. I already had to trash Sasuke-kun, and I _really_ want to do it to you!"

And when Gwen said she "trashed" Sasuke, she quite _literally_ carried him 10 blocks to Konaha's garbage dump! Gwen is one scary ninja-demon-werewolf you not want to mess and/or play with.

Naruto gave her a quick yes and went back into his dressing room. Gwen turned and kept walking down the hall. She had something nipping at the bach of her head. She sighed and gave the back of her head a good _SMACK!_ She withdrew her hand and studied it.

Mousqitoe.

She licked it up and kept walking. She came to a corner and turned...and ran smack into Hyuuga Neji.

**I hope you guys like it! This is my first story I have ever made so PLEASE rate and review! I do not own Naruto in any way but I do own Gwen!**


	2. You're busted JB!

**Prologue:**

_I rubbed my eyes for the umtenth time. Crud, you should never show any signs of sleepiness._

_I scratched my left ear and straightened up my back. "Uh, this is a bunch of cow! Why does she always do this?" _

_I pulled my cell out of my pocket and punched in a number._

**Chapter 2: You're busted JB!**

Gwen held her ground as the Hyuuga Boy rubbed his nose.

"You goin' somewhere, Neji-kun? Now, I could find Tenten-chan for you, but around this time she's probably drinking out of the toilet so, I wouldn't kiss her around this time,"

Neji just shook his head and sighed. "If you must know," he hesitated a little, "I was looking for you."

Gwen thought she saw a slight pink blush spread across his cheeks.

"Well, you found me. What's the problem? You broke all of your bush-es?" She chuckled.

Neji didn't even crack a smirk."No. I've got something to show you inside my dressing room." He turned around and started walking down the hall, his long black hair following behind him.

They finally made it to his dressing room (which was only 6 steps away) and walked inside.

Gwen sat down heavily on his couch. "OK, so what's the problemo kido?" She asked while helping herself to the bowl of _Hot Fries _on the table next to her.

Neji looked down at his sandals. "Um, we have a problem with the… clothing." He said hastily.

Gwen licked her fingers. "Like, what kind of problem, Neji-kun?"

She was getting impatient. She wished he would stop beating-around-the-bush and tell her the situation like his normal blunt self.

But still…

The longer she was here, the longer she could eat a gallon of _Hot Fries_… it was a tough choice.

And again, she thought she saw a slight blush spread across his face.

He took a deep breath and let it out. "Maybe if I show you you'll understand."

He took another deep breath, took on a serious face and closed his eyes.

His hands shifted to his shorts and started to undo the button and zip down his zipper.

Gwen stared, in mid-chew, in pure HORROR at… at… _JUSTIN BIEBER_!

He was everywhere! Singing into microphones, making hand gestures, and smiling that _stupid _Canadian grin!

And the _worst _part: they were _briefs_!

Gwen just stared with a blank expression.

Then she smirked. "I was expecting to see Edward from _Twilight _or at _least _Raven from _Teen Titans_ (and a bigger package). But you-" she had to keep from choking on anymore Fries, "but you went out and got JB! And in briefs, too! Um, wouldn't Tenten like to know…?" She licked her lips seductively.

That snapped Neji out of his mad blush. "Hey, this was NOT my choice! Someone stole all my underwear here _and _at my house, and left nothing but these!" He pointed angrily at a grinning Bieber at his balls.

Gwen sighed and closed her eyes. "Ok, you got me," she put the now empty bowl of _Hot Fries_ back on the table.

Since there was no more food left, she might as well tell him the truth.

"I asked Kiba, Chouji, and Shikamaru to help me prank you. The whole point of the prank was to have Tenten in here to get a look of what you're packing but obviously she isn't in here sooooo, the prank was a bust."

Neji stared in what was a mixture of disgust, surprise, and mid-shock.

He face-palmed himself. "I expected nothing more than a weak attempt to sneak a peek at my penis really," he almost chuckled at the thought if Tenten _did _exceed in being there.

Gwen smirked and said under her breath in a whisper, "Who said it was weak?"

But Neji didn't hear what she said and was bending over (knees unbent) to pull up his shorts and (try) to endure a full 24 hours, with a male singer who _clearly _singslike a girl, on his ass.

And at this moment, as soon as Gwen got the word "weak" past her tongue, guess who Fate decided to open the door, right where Neji was _CLEARLY _totted in front of?

"Yo! Neji-chan, I found the coolest website about animal porn on-"

Tenten stopped dead in her perverted sentence.

She had a good long stare into Justin Bieber's eyes and at "something" else.

Neji, still bent over and in total shock, turned around very slowly and gave Tenten a weak nod.

"He-hello, Tenten…" he slowly and finally pulled up his shorts and shifted to the chair next to the door.

Tenten confusingly and disappointingly looked over at Gwen, who was looking very smug over there on the couch.

She looked over at Neji and, trying to break the awkward silence and lift his spirits, said:

"Well, it looks like someone has Bieber Fever."

At that remark, Gwen nearly threw up on herself.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! You two make such a cute couple!"

**The 2nd chapter! Tell me how it was and please favor it!**

**Neji: Now, tell me why _I_ had to wear the Bieber panties?**

**LeakingHeartParadise: Uh, really dude do we have to go through this?(eyes Neji, annoyed)**

**Neji: Yes, because it really seems like Sasuke should have been wearing them.**

**LHP:(stares blankly for a moment) Um... why Sasuke-kun?**

**Neji: Well, he does seem like the type of person who does _those_ kinds of things.**

**LHP: First of all Neji, why are you looking at him like that, huh?(raises eyebrow in suspicion)**

**Neji:(looks confusingly at her) What?- Look, 'am just saying that I-**

**LHP: Gay?(laughter could be heard from the other anime characters in the room)**

**Shino: I knew it.**

**Neji:(blushing madly with embarrassment and anger) HEY-NO I DO _NOT_ GO THAT WAY!**

**Hinata:(picks up script book and pretends to read it) I don't know Neji, I mean you _do_ have longer hair then most of the villians and shinobi on this** **show.(looks over at Gaara who smirks in return of her comment)**

**Kiba:(Akamaru wagged his tail happily) OHHH even your cousin said it man!(Akamaru barked in agreement)**

**Neji:(glares at Hinata) Well, at least _my_ boyfriend is'nt a-**

**Gaara:(lifts his head and gives him _his_ verison of the evil eye)**

**Neji:(gulps back the last part of his sentence) Um, nevermind.**

**Naruto:(wakes up loudly from sleeping on his script book and was just getting what was happening) Dude, your the only guy so far to flash a girl,(looks over at Sakura to make sure she didn't hear this part), and to live to tell about it.**

**Gwen:(who I think personally should have kept this comment to herself) Yeah dude. LHP and I picked you 'cuz your the one with the biggest dick.**

**Everyone in the room:(looks over at Gwen who was leaning against the wall, a deadly silence follows and every genin male is dropping his head)**

**Neji:(face-palms self and looks between through his fingers to try and _pray_ that Tenten was not in here THIS time)**

**When he didn't see her, he let out a swoosh of air and and walked towards the EXIT door.**

**Neji: Well I guess this has been a weird day. Thank you Gwen for sharing your story and now everyone knows that your're a pedifile.**

**He swung open the door with such force, that it startled a certin someone on the other end of the door.**

**Tenten: Sorry 'am late everyone, I ate some bad liver and onions with a weird sauce and it gave me the run-**

**Both Neji and Tenten collided into each other... but at mouth level.**

**They both kissed for so long, that everyone in the whole room had time to turn their head, twerk their eyebrows (even for those who did not have eyebrows) and say "whatthehell" a 100 times.**

**Tenten_: Mmmmm, his mouth tastes like oranges and_- (licks the roof of Neji's mouth to get a better taste) _tacos?_**

**Neji_: Her mouth tastes like dog food and_...(licks her tongue for a better taste)_ is that.. toilent water I smell?_**

**When they finally broke away, a long strand of saliva came out, which got Tenten excited, causing her to lick Neji's lips.**

**Deidara: And this is why you do not call Gwen a pedifile.**

**Tenten:(grabs at stomach and farts a little and blushes madly) Um, sorry, gotta go.(slams door right in Neji's face)**

**Silence again in the room. Neji just stares at the wooden door where Tenten was just standing.**

**He turns slightly to go sit down when- _BAM!_**

**He looks down to see his whole zipper caught in the door.**

**Hidan saw this and snickered: Well it looks like he wanted more then just a kiss?**

**And again, Neji was put on the spotlight and laughter started up again.**

**Neji turned to look at LHP: Can we just please get ready for the next chapter?**


	3. The turn at the Left

**Chapter 3: The turn at the Left...**

Prologue

_The phone rung twice until finally someone picked up._

_"Yell-yellow?" the voice on the other line was gasping for breath and laughing loudly._

_What has her all choked up? I asked myself._

* * *

Gwen hadn't noticed her cell ringing inside her pocket. She was laughing so hard; she grabbed her stomach and answered to a not-so-amused-voice.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" the voice yelled.

Gwen turned as pale as Neji was red!

She was speechless, which was a first. She sucked in a deep breath and answered in a tiny voice, "Hello… Itachi."

The Uchiha on the other line was not pleased AT ALL. "You should have been on set," he checked his Mickey Mouse watch, "an HOUR ago! What have you been doing in that amount of time?"

Gwen had returned to her natural color and looked over at the Hyuuga Prodigy and Little Red Riding Wolf. They had turned completely pale too when they heard the Uchiha's name.

She smiled at the both of them. "Well, Itachi, I _was _getting two lovers together until an annoying Beaver got in the way."

Gwen chuckled some more and hung up right in the Sharingan-eyed bully's face. She stood up, stretched, and walked over towards Tenten, who had a mixture of expressions on her face.

Gwen laid a hand on her shoulder. "Come on Cujo, we'll leave the Bieber fan alone so he can get ready. In the mean time, you can enjoy this-" she pulled out a small pit bull chew toy.

Tenten wagged her "tail" excitedly. "Thank you, Selena-sensei!" she took the dog's ear and chewed on it softly. "I'll name him…" she thought for a moment. "Alexander the Great!" she went back to chewing.

Gwen smiled at her and folded her arms. "I knew you would like it! I have a sheep and her name is Henry VII. This toy is yours 'till the end of the series." she reached in her coat and pulled out a black sheep and chomped down (loving) on its neck.

Neji looked at the both of them chewing and slobbering for a good minute, then he spoke. "Well it seems like you two are busy with your chewing so-" he (gently) pushed the two dogs out of the room, "if you don't mind me changing in _peace_."

And with that, the Hyuuga (slammed) the door in their faces.

Tenten stared at the closed door while Gwen laughed to herself.

"He's so sensitive about his dick," and with that, she placed the sheep back in her coat and kept walking down the hall, Tenten close on her heels.

And as they walked, the rare silence that came with it, was so soothing, that Gwen started to sleep walk.

But, obviously, that didn't last long. Tenten uttered a bark for no reason. Gwen corrected her.

"Hey! What are you barking at? Uh, look, I didn't know Neji was that shy for you not to see his nut-"

She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence or her breath.

For right there in front of her were two TOTALLY different people.

One of them, a boy, had short red-brick hair. No eyebrows whatsoever, but had the Japanese character for _love_ on left side of his forehead. Black lines lined his light green almost light blue eyes. Pale as pale can be and from the Sand Village, Gaara-sama was talking with an unlikely person.

The person was a girl (which was surprising enough). She was pale also, but was from Konoha. Her hair stopped about mid-way to her neck and was lanvendar/blue. Her lanvendar purple eyes was a tale-tell sign that she was of Hyuuga decent.

Her name was Hinata-sama, and it seemed like Gwen had just interrupted a _very good_ conversation between the two. They were both sitting in armrest chairs that were close together.

Some might say even _"to close_".

Gaara-sama snapped his head around when he heard them turn the corner. Gwen thought she saw a bit of color come to his face, but soon turned back pale when he saw them.

Damn. Gwen REALLY wished she hadn't interrupted these two.

Gaara and Hinata-kun were the ONLY two people on the set that she didn't make fun of. Unlike Neji and Tenten's love affair, Gaara and Hinata's was a complicated one and Gwen always wanted the two to be alone together.

A slight blush spread across Hinata's face. "He-hello, Tenten-chan, Gwen-sensei." She had slightly shifted her weight from Gaara-kun.

Gwen felt her heart start to break, which was a new experience for her. She had to act fast!

When her and Tenten got closer, Gwen noticed Gaara had his hand, almost affectionately, on Hinata's left knee. But when he saw Gwen's eyes on his hand, he quickly removed it and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Tenten broke the awkward silence. "Um, you guys getting ready for your parts?" she asked between bites for she still had the dog in her mouth(probably thinking it was Neji-kun:).

Hinata nodded her head. "Yeah we were, but Gaara-sama was just about to go back to his room, and so was I." Hinata was about to rise, but Gwen stopped her.

"No! I mean, pleace, no. Stay here it's quieter." Gwen gently pushed her back in her chair.

Gaara finally spoke. "Yeah Gwen-sensei, we should be on our way." And with that, he started to pick up his gord and leave.

Gwen had to think fast! "Yo, Tenten-kun! Why don't you go and show that toy to Mummhand! I'll bet he'll love it!" Gwen had to push (more like drag) Tenten all the way to the end of the hall.

Tenten understood what Gwen was trying to do and easily complied. "Yeah that would be a good idea. Bye Nicki-sensei, Hinata and Gaara-sama!" she shape-shifted to her wolf form and, with the toy inside her mouth, trotted down the hallway to her room.

Gwen sighed with relief and turned back to the two Samas. Gaara was still about to leave. "Yo! Gaara-kun, where're you goin'? You guys can stay here, I'll be on my way." Gwen was becoming frantic.

Gaara shook his head. "No. You guys already interrupted, we might as well go." Gwen detected a hint of anger or fustration in his voice. He started walking towards his room, and Hinata to her own.

Gwen sighed and gave up.

All of a sudden, long trands of hair shot out of her nose and each one wrapped around Gaara and Hinata.

Stunned, they both started struggled until they realized who it was, but started struggling again when they saw where it was coming from.

Gwen gently sat them down back in the chairs. She cleared her thorat. "Sorry I had to use the Fist of the Nose Hair on you two. But like I said, you are staying HERE."

Hinata had a look of shock on her face, but she calmed down when she saw the look on Gaara's face. He seemed pretty happy about the idea, but as always, you could'nt tell.

He nodded his head. "OK, we'll stay here." he said bluntly. Hianta looked surprised at him, but soon understood and nodded her head also.

Gwen smiledand nodded her head seriously. She reached into her pocket and pulled out 3 lollipops. She tossed two at Edgar and Ellen and put one into her own mouth.

"Alright, see you two late-"

"Hold on sensei," Gaara laid his hand on Gwen's shoulder for her to stop. He took her little ways down the hall to talk to her.

"What it is, Edgar?" she said between smacks and leaning on the wall.

Gaara looked over his shoulder at Hinata as she was unwrapping her candy.

And in alomst a forgotten whisper, he said, "Thank you."

Before Gwen could ask him to repeat, he had turned around and started walking back to his throne next to his queen.

Gwen turned towards the end of the hall. She pulled the sucker out her mouth and gazed at the glazed green color.

Out the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Gaara wrap his arm coolly around Hinata's shoulders and a slight pink blush rushed to her face and smile.

Gwen wished she could watch them, but she to face Itachi.

The thought made her shudder.

**Here it is! the 3rd chapter! I had to type it EARLY in the morning so ya'll could read it! Next chapter will be here soon so stay tuned and don't forget to comment and review! So sorry this took so long! Something was wrong with my computer.**


	4. Disney vs Uchiha

**Chapter 4: Disney vs. Uchiha**

Gwen finished the lollipop, but kept the stick in her mouth.

" '_Never kick the hornet's nest, when the Queen is planning to rest,' _" she recited that poem for the umtenth time. It was her favorite one in the pocket poem book her mom had given her for her 23rd birthday.

Cheap ass hag. Gwen wanted the new 3DS in aqua!

Itachi was the nest and she was the Queen. But she wasn't in the nest, so she could kick it anyway.

Gwen made it to his so called "office". She heard glass shatter inside, but she just shrugged it off and walked inside.

A most interesting scene was playing: Itachi had his little brother, Sasuke, pushed against his shattered dresser mirror. Itachi had him by the collar with one hand and nearly choking the boy. He already was bleeding down his arms and legs.

Gwen wasn't the _LEAST _bit concerned from her point of view. She heard running water somewhere until she saw a big wet spot on the front of Sasuke's shorts and the tall-tale smell of urine.

She groaned inwardly. "Yo! You've had your fun Itachi; let the poor boy go he's already pissed himself, damn!"

The Sharingan-eyed brute turned his head slightly. He sighed and let his lil' bro slide heavily to the floor.

Sasuke was a bloody wet mess but managed to (barely) lean against the wall.

Gwen rolled her eyes and stared into Itachi's eye jutsu. "So, what did he do this time?" she asked the bully boredly as she rolled the lollipop stick in her mouth.

He balled his left hand into a tight fist and landed a punched so close to Sasuke's head, that it missed and went _through_ the wall.

Gwen could see a river sliding down Sasuke's legs and onto his sandals.

"He broke something near to me," Itachi reached into his pocket and gave the _something _to her.

Gwen looked down at a glassy mess: his Mickey Mouse watch was shattered and unreadable and dried blood on the brown belt.

Gwen took on a sarcastic sad face. "Awww did wittle Sasuke-kun wrake your wittle watch?" she said in a high whiney voice.

Itachi finally took his hand out of the wall and placed it around Sasuke's throat. The poor soul couldn't even use his Sharingan even though it was on. He made silent choking noises between each gasping breath.

As much as Gwen ADORED to see these two fight, she needed to talk to the little Uchiha.

'OK, OK, you've had your fun Itachi; let him go clean himself up. Really, it seems like this morning you guys were fighting which one should go through the door _first_!"

"Because it was," Sasuke finally was able speak, but barely could say the words.

Itachi tighten his grip. "Shut your mouth pissy-pants! You're forgetting who has you in a choking grip. And who's watch you've broken,"

He thumped Sasuke's head against the wall like it was a basketball and tightened his grip even more.

Sasuke was going to meet Kami (or MJ) if Gwen didn't do something quick! But, as we all know, Gwen was being Gwen, and didn't really do anything.

She reached inside her jacket pocket and pulled out a small square black box. "Here dude, I got this for you," she held the box in Itachi's direction.

He turned the evil gaze to the box… but stopped when he saw the symbol on the lid.

His eyes went wide. "You didn't…" he completely forgot about the pipsqueak and almost ran over Gwen just to see what was in the box.

"You… you… you got me the-"

"Yes, I got you the new limited edition Mickey/Minnie Mouse gold watch with your family's symbol on the back."

The Uchiha gasped, which was a first. "Really!" he took the watch carefully out of the box and turned it over.

He stared in shock. "Its true," Itachi looked up at Gwen. "Thank you. Thank you very much, G!" he put the watch back in the box and stuck it lovingly in his pocket.

But, the pot-of-gold did not last long.

Itachi roughly grabbed Sasuke around the neck, threw him back onto the wall, and whispered in a threatening tone, "Brake this watch, and it's your left testicle. Got it?"

Sasuke must not have heard because he obviously didn't care about his balls. So, for emphasis, Itachi kneed him harshly in the spot where the penis and testicles do not connect.

That time, he heard it LOUD and clear. "Got it," he said in pain and dropped to the floor coughing and gasping for breath.

Gwen tried to cover up her laugh. "OK, come on Sasuke-kun, before I give Itachi anymore ideas."

Sasuke surprisingly got up with ease and hid behind her. Gwen smiled and closed the door.

She turned and looked down at the boy who just recently wet himself. "Um, you might want to get changed because there's a cretin someone waiting in your room for your... "hurting in the hospital bed" scene."

Sasuke knew _exactly _who the "someone" was and _what_ she was talking about.

Gwen could have sworn she saw a quick boner come up, but it disappeared at the last second.

"Yeah, I should go and… get ready." And with that, he disappeared before Gwen could make a sexual comment.

She hated it when people did that to her. She spit the stick out and rolled up a blunt and lit it.

"Uh, I don't know what 'Am going to do with these little fuckers," and she started walking down the hall to the bathroom.

Because someone was waiting there for her.

**Alright! Chapter 4! I 'am on a roll here!**

**Gwen: No, you aren't.**

**LHP: What the- Gwen! I thought you were on your way to the bathroom for your little… whatever you call.**

**Gwen: Well I' am, it's just that I don't have any condoms on me, do have any extra?**

**LHP: What do I look like to you, a grade A condom dealer?**

**Gwen: (stares blankly)**

**LHP: Ok fine here. (hands Gwen a Trojan condom) And _only _one. Can't have actors running around asking me for condoms all the damn tim-**

**Tenten: Yo, LeakingHeartParadise-senpai, do you have any vibrators on you I could use?**

**LHP: (face-palms self)**


	5. Straight as a Circle

**Just to let y'all know, this will be the last chapter, so after this it will be nothing but stories!:)**

**Chapter 5: Straight as a Circle**

After Gwen's boyfriend left the stall, Gwen was feeling nothing but pleasure and annoyance.

If it wasn't for this stupid series, her and her boo could be doin' their thang every hour on the hour!

After her orgasm fated, she unlocked the stall door and walked over to the sinks. She began to wash her hands… when a whimper caught her attention.

She turned around and looked down the line of toilets when she finally stopped at a familiar pink hem…

Gwen sighed and dried her hands with a paper towel. "You might as well come out," she said as she rolled up her third blunt today.

There was a silent gasp and a moment of suggestion, but soon a tear eyed Sakura came out of a stall by the door.

Gwen puffed out a cloud right in the girl's face. "So, what's the problem this time, dudette?" she asked while Sakura wiped away her tears with some toilet paper that was stuck to her sandal.

"Well, I was on my way to my room to study my script, when Sasuke walked past by me and…"

Gwen's fist was way back behind her, ready to slug Sakura across the face, but when she said Sasuke's name, she stopped about a few centimeters from her nose.

"What'd you say? Sasuke wasn't in his room yet? Weird…"

"That's not the weird part. His shorts were all wet and he was acting weird, I mean _Itachi _weird,"

"Yeah that's a whole lot of weird." Gwen had to quickly hide her fist behind her because Sakura had looked up and now stared up at her with a confused look.

"Do you know what's wrong with him, Gwen-sensei?" She asked with hopeful eyes, which what you SHOULD'NT give Gwen when you want something so badly.

So, Gwen acted like Gwen and said: "Sorry little dudette, Sasuke is going through puberty. And for a boy that means acting all weird around the girl he likes,"

Sakura looked up, shocked. "Wh-what? Then why was his shorts smelled like pi-"

Gwen laid a hand on the confused girls shoulder. "Hey, it's best you don't know that part in a guy's bodily changes."

Sakura looked up at her questionably, and then she raised her eyebrows and blushed deeply.

"Eww, that's gross!" And she ran out the bathroom when a certain somebody was walking in.

Gwen's eyes went wide and she licked her lips hungrily. "Well, well, well. Shizune, what brings your fine ass to the lady's room?" Gwen wrapped her arm aggressively around the lady's waist.

Shizune looked at her confusingly. "Um, to use the bathroom of course and… Gwen, are you OK? You look a little… weird?"

Gwen pushed Shizune into a nearby stall and locked the door behind them.

"Well, Shizune," Gwen gently pushed the sides of her shirt sleeves outward to revel her chest, "we all act a little… weird when we have puberty."

And with that, Gwen leaned in and bit her neck.

* * *

Even though Sasuke was acting weird, after his "conversation" with Sakura, he ran/jogged to his room to "meet" a certain someone.

He ran passed a clothing rack that held the Akatsuki cloaks.

He backtracked quickly and looked through the person's cloak until he found the one he was looking for.

"Sasori…no… Deidara… no… Tobi… no- here it is!" He pushed the others aside and pushed Itachi's forward.

"Unm, knee me in the balls, uh?" Sasuke said as he fumbled with his fly for he hurt his fingers when he was "fixing" Itachi's watch. "Well then, what do you think of- this!"

And with that, he pulled his fly down and _drenched_ Itachi's cloak.

All that "wetting-his-pants" stuff earlier was fake. Well, most of it was, but it felt _so good_ to get back at that jerk! _Especially_ when it's peeing on the ONLY costume he has!

Sasuke congratulated himself by smirking and by even spraying around the collar.

But a noise in front of him made the hair on the back of his hair stand up on end.

He dared not open his eyes to see his older brother there, with his menacing Sharingan boring into his skull.

And he most CERTAINLY not lift his head up for fear of having his left testicle chopped off _right there_ on the spot!

But he had no choice but to look, for if he lost one testy, he still had another, right?

Sasuke reluctedly let his sink go dry, and lifted his head up to _try_ and explain, even though he knew it was too late. "Look, I didn't mean to piss on your cloak, man. Just remember that mom will be _really_ angry when she finds out I was murdered-"

Sasuke stopped dead in his plea.

For right there, standing in front of him was...

DEIDARA!

He was staring blankly at Sasuke and at... what he was doing.

"Um..." Sasuke was trying to think up an excuse to tell him so he would'nt tell his brother, " I was just-"

"No need," Deidara interrupted him and smirked. "Did the same thing to him last week. He stole some of my clay and switched it with dog shit! Have fun." And with that, left.

Sasuke just stood there a little dumbfounded at first, untill he rememebered what he was doing there in the first place.

He quickly zipped up his fly and sprinted down the hallway.

* * *

"BY THE GREAT ARMPIT HAIR OF CHARLES DARWIN!"

Gwen screamed at the tops of her lungs.

She nearly scared the living shit out of her boyfriend. "What the fuck Gwen! What the hell's wrong with you?"

"What?"

Gwen moved the hunk-of-a-dude off of her and looked around the room: A coffe stain on the rug by the dresser... a poster of _Justin Bieber_ on the wall (complete with the red marker mustache and devil horns, of course)... and a stack of _Mozart_ CDs.

It was her apartment.

"Oh," Gwen grabbed her head, "Damn, my head hurts like hell."

Her boo laid down on the pillow next to her. "Maybe that's because you were fantasing about Shizune... again."

Gwen punched him in the arm. "Stop play'in with me, dude. I don't even _go_ that way..." Her voice trailed off.

He snorted. "Surrre you don't"

Gwen bared her fangs at him. "You know, 'am not afraid to kick your lazy ass out of my apartment butt booty-ball naked-"

She stopped. She turned and looked at the clock.

11:25!

Gwen leaped out of bed. "Fuck! As if 'am not in anymore trouble with Itachi, now 'am about to be late again!"

Gwen raced through the hallway towards her front door, not listening to the words her boyfriend was saying from the bed.

She threw open the door and stepped over the trashold and looked down.

Oh, that's what he was trying to tell her. She had forgetten, that whole "doing it in the bathroom thing" was just a blunt dream, and now, she was standing naked in front of her apartment.

She shurgged her shoulders. She's had worse.

* * *

Sasuke finally made it to his dressing room and closed the door behind him.

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a new clean pair of _Squidward_ boxers.

Hey, its better than _Justin Bieber_.

He threw the wet shorts onto the ground for him to take home later and wash.

"Well, it looks like you beat me here," a voice said.

Sasuke smirked but he didn't turn around, he kept going through his closet.

The stranger wrapped their arms around his middle and let their hands travel freely south. They nuzzled their nose into the side of his neck and let out a horny growl.

Sasuke twerked an eyebrow and closed the closet door. "You know, you really are somethin'." He turned and kissed the person on the lips and playfully bit their nose.

She gave him a warning growl and returned the kiss back. "Coming from you, I'll take that as a complement."

They both walked over to the couch and sat down on it. The stranger cuddled deep inside Sasuke's chest and let a deep sigh. "You know. My aunt thinks we're the cutest couple, second to Gaara and Hinata of course," she wrapped her arms around his waist and landed a soft kiss on his neck.

He kissed her back on the forehead. "You know," he said as he pushed her long brown hair out of her eyes, "maybe this whole idea of having an abridged series really isn't a bad thing."

The girl gave him a confused look. "Really? What makes you say that?"

Sasuke gave her a devilish grin. "Well, for one thing," he slowly wrapped his arms around her middle and lifted her up a little bit, "all the pretty girls." He threw his legs on the couch causing him to make his girlfriend sit on the top of his waist. He propped his feet on the armrest, laid his head down and smirked.

He currently had a good view under the girl's miniskirt. She looked down at him. She knew what was coming next.

She smiled back and laid her hands on Sasuke's lower abbs. "I agree, but do you know what _I_ like?" She lowered her voice to a whisper, souding almost suductive.

Sasuke knew what was coming next also and felt a rush of blood heading towards his other head. "No, what?" Unknowing to him, the girl's featherlike fingers were trailing oh-so slowly to his underwear waistband, tugging at it, almost playfully.

"Well, I like the big," her fingers went a little inside his waistband, "long," fingers tracing the line of his pelvis, nearly touching his genitals, "fat," she was also leaning closer towards his face and whispered oh-so tautingly and sexily, "dic-"

* * *

"HE-HEM!"

Gwen had appeared out of nowhere in Sasuke's doorway, just in time for the big show.

Sam, her niece, leaned back and looked over at her aunt who was on the otherside of the door she thought she locked. "Hey, auntie, whatcha doin' here I thought you were meeting up with-"

"I was untill a little flower told me that Sasuke-kun was getting his freak-nasty on with my niece."

Sam blushed a little. "W-well, we weren't actually going to do it I mean..." She awkwardly got off of Sasuke and sat down at his hairdresser.

Sasuke sat up on the couch and looked over at Gwen. "Sensei, Sam's right. I was not going to take advantage of her." He got up and picked up his discarded shorts off the floor. "Besides, who would want to grab her ass, its all firm and tight. Who would want to hit that?" He smirked and reached his hand to one of the pockets, like he was looking for something.

Sam crossed her arms and bared her teeth at the black haired ninja. "Well you defiantly weren't arguing about it earlier..." She mumbled under her breath angerily.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at her and took out the thing he was looking for out of his pocket, which made Gwen stare at it in horror.

She laid her hand on Sam's shoulder. "Um, you might want to say goodbye to your boyfriend and that you'll see him at the funeral."

Sam twerked her eyebrow. "Uh? What funer-" But she stopped when she saw what Sasuke was holding up. It glittered gold in the dressing room light. "Holy fuck..." Sam breathed under her breath.

"Now I know what you're thinking," Sasuke said as her tossed Itachi's limited edition Mickey/Minnie Mouse watch from hand to hand. "'Am fuck crazy to steal this from Itachi while he wasn't looking." He threw the watch onto his hair dresser and it made a nasty _CLICK!_ when it landed.

Gwen stiffened at the sound. She _prayed_ Itachi didn't hear that because that guy has like, super watch hearing or something. "Hey, Sasuke-kun, I knew you're really upset because Itachi beat the crap out of you and made you wet yourself. But this is not the answer. So, please give him back his watch so LHP can make the rest of the series?"

"Eww, you didn't tell me that happened." Sam began wiping off the front of her skirt.

"Come, I didn't even mean to do! He jumped me in the bathroom before I even had a chance to-"

"Excuses, excuses. Just give me the watch and we'll all go and grab a pizza or a few hotdogs." Gwen made a grab for the watch but Sasuke pulled back.

"The only way you're getting this back, is if you give me my own spin-off show." He smirked at his plan.

Gwen rolled her eyes at him. "OK, fine. You have it. You have your own show. Keep the watch, see if I care. Its your funeral though." Gwen walked out of the room before calling out, "Nice Squidward underwear by the way."

Sam just blicked at all that was happening around her. "Alright, might as well go back to my room." And she walked out the room.

**Gwen: Wow LHP, that was weak.**

**LHP: Come on give me a break, I could'nt think of anything else.(plays with hair and blushes)**

**Gwen: Its OK, we all have writers block once in a while.**

**HLP:(smiles up at Gwen) The problem is, that I don't want to waste my talent on these beginings. When the stories start to come out, then they'll be good!**

**(Everybody in the room): That's the spirit, dude!**

**And that is my crapping ending.**


End file.
